The Slumbering Lungfish Dybbuk Hostel and All-Night Boulangerie

As a somewhat related bit of advice, never rent a DVD of a children's movie with the intention of watching it.  Any DVD movie that's animated or humorously features a child in some way has been given to a child.  It's my guess that these parents also hand their children a piece of steel wool, hoping to keep the tykes amused.

Two words: midnight showings. Cars is far too good a movie to share with the baby brigade.

If possible, drive-ins are good. You get to see two movies in a row, you can get yourself some damn pizza at the concession stand, and you'll be in a car so there won't be too many terrible noises. Unless you're watching some horror thing, or maybe just a really bad movie.

Also, if you aren't enjoying your selection, you can just turn around towards the other screen. But you kinda have to guess the other radio station. Still, I remember managing to catch the very end of Chronicles of Riddick after Harry Potter was over some time ago.

Plus, sometimes the intermissions show adorable puppies.

This is why I always avoid the first few weeks of any film, and only catch it on the tail-end out. No children, no antisocial youths, no cellphone talkers (usually...), and an empty cinema...

I haven't had any problems with the kids' DVDs from Netflix. I wonder if those are replaced more often, or if adults with kids are more likely to use the local Blockbuster.

Drive ins are great, if you don't care what your movie looks or sounds like.

Which is more and more often these days.

Hm! As someone who probably sees more movies in theaters than just about anyone who doesn't get paid to do so for a living, I can honestly say that I've only had one experience with a rude cell phone user in recent years. And that experienced ended with me giving some teenage hoochie mammas a schooling in appropriate behavior that scared them out of the theater. Granted, I don't see a lot of kids movies, so perhaps this kind of behavior is way more prevelant and accepted at those types of screenings, but from my perspective, you experienced a nightmare worst-case scenario rather than a common occurance for most film viewings in theaters. In the SF Bay Area. Oh, and I recommend ALWAYS calling out the rude people when they try to pull that shit. If we don't do it, how will they learn?

As a pleasant surprise, the dollar cinema here in Ann Arbor has a surprisingly low child ratio during the evening showings.

Indeed, when I went to see the Narnia movie, the biggest annoyance was coming from an adult behind me -- one who had apparently never read the books and was doubly unfamiliar with the common assumption that the story of Aslan is an allegory for Christ.

The kids he brought, though, were astoundingly quiet.

Still, though, that doesn't top the time I went to see the Hitchhiker's Guide film and three empty seats to the right and one row ahead of me were these two thirty-something men practically narrating the film to each other the whole time.

Late night showings are a god send if you don't have to get up too early the next day- you do occasionaly have the problem with mobile phone users, but at a decent cinema they would be killed....

Now, me, I relish situations where I'm justified in shouting out "EVERYBODY SHUT UP!". It's part of the charm of the theatre.

The guy who goes at the tail-end of theatrical runs has a good strategy as well- assuming you don't misjudge and miss the movie entirely. But as you say, home viewing is an ever-finer substitute.

For a movie on a big screen with beer and spaghetti and comfy chairs, you should check out the Parkway Speakeasy in Oakland. Seems like a cool crowd every time I've been, but if it isn't, at least it's a cheap experiment...

I don't go out to the movies much any more. When I went to see the most recent Bond film, the one with the torture scene involving lots of scorpions, a dad brought his two young kids, maybe seven years old. And just last week I went to see X-Men III and there was a three-year-old in the audience. Even if the kids had been silent throughout the films [obviously not the case], it would still have negatively affected my experience, as I was forced to consider the violence I was viewing through a child's eyes.

You could also try watching movies in the midwest. The tickets are a few bucks cheaper, and talking is limited to children who don't know any better (whose parents won't shut them up) and middle-schoolers. Generally its better to go to an earlier showing to avoid the middle schoolers.

My absolute favorite time to go see a movie is the last showing on a Sunday night, around 9-10PM. It's actually possible to find parking around Landmark Shattuck, and I find that the only people in the theater are fellow movie fans.

Then again, the fact that I mentioned Landmark Shattuck probably has something to do with it as well :)

I'm surprised that a dollar theater wouldn't be full of kids. Because when I was eleven, Bill & Ted were my babysitters.

Another vote for late, late screenings or late screenings on a Sunday night. Also, I find a midweek matinee in an inner-city theatre (as opposed to one of the suburban megaplexes) also assures one of an almost empty cinema, if you can sneak away for midweek matinees. I've seen blockbusters on opening week this way and with only a few other people in the theatre.

I also recommend not only waiting for the end of a film's run, but waiting for it to make it into one of the cheap theatres. It seems like people who are so cheap as to wait months to spend $2 on a movie ticket also want to wring every last cent of cinematic enjoyment out of those $2 and so they devote themselves to just watching the movie. And I guess the cool kids with cellphones wouldn't be caught dead not spending $11 to see the movie in its initial run. The people who spend $2 can't afford a cell phone.

I usually go with a group of people who will gladly help me intimidate/torture/kill/dispose of anyone who blatantly violates the laws the theater gods have handed down.

only go watch movies that feature sex and graphic violence...

Hey, yeah, as long as we're talking local theaters, another vote here for the Parkway. Show up early, order a pizza, and grab one of the couches up front. For best results, bring a blanket and an adventurous companion.

>>...never rent a DVD of a children's movie with the intention of watching it...

No kidding. I finally got around to watching The Incredibles last month, and I had to take the first copy back for an exchange. The DVD looked like it had spent its life on the floor of someone's dirty car.

I now compulsively open the the cases and check the DVD's before I leave the rental store.

In my city, Douglas Theaters recently abandoned their various downtown theaters in favor of a single brand-new megaplex that takes up a whole city block. This megaplex has become de facto daycare for the suburbanites--moms drive up with a minivan packed full of brats and drop them off for an afternoon free of actual adult supervision.

The only times the adults actually do escort the kids is when they feel the need to take their babies, BABIES, into the theaters.

The Alamo Drafthouse answers all these concerns (wine and beer, no Manhattans though, sorry), though I suppose it is not worth flying to Austin every time you want to see a movie.

Alamo Drafthouse is good. I saw Coffee & Cigarettes there a couple of years back while visiting a friend in Austin. But other cities have similar arrangements. Seattle, for example, has the Central Cinema, which serves beer and wine with its film screenings.

Loud theaters are one of the things that I miss about going to the movies in the Bay Area. Everybody here in Indiana is either too reverent or so busy texting their friends that they haven't the time to heckle the screen. And there is so much in the movies today that bears heckling.

Hello, by the way. I'm new here. Longtime reader, first time poster, and all that.

My wish for harmony and world movie theater peace: free, on demand, wireless, noise-cancelling headphones.

The Arclight in Los Angeles is a beauty. Ushers who do their jobs, no one let in late after the movie starts, NO COMMERCIALS, limited trailers (though admittedly, I do like trailers as often times they are better than the movies they are advertising) and assigned seating (no more having to wait in line for a movie 8 hours ahead of time, and no more suffering through trying to find a seat when everyone is saving seats in a 10 seat radius around them). It is a little more expensive than your average ticket, but that tends to keep a lot of the riff-raff away.

Plus on Fridays and Saturdays certain showings they allow you to take in alcohol from their bar, so you CAN watch a movie while enjoying a Manhattan.